Everyone faces self-doubt in varying degrees. Most people have been accumulating LAYERS of self-doubt for decades. Imagine going to the North Pole. You are outside in extremely cold temperatures, and you have dressed to stay warm which means you have layer upon layer of clothing from head to toe. Now imagine that you wear these same clothes when you sit on a St. Lucia beach. People with layers of self-doubt tend to never shed a layer no matter what circumstance they are in. Their voice-over is "I am not good enough", "I cannot do this", "I am not smart enough", "I have never done it this way", "I am not pretty enough" and so on. These voices speak throughout the day to them as they face a variety of what appear to be daunting circumstances and prevent people from "doing the work". Negative thought patterns can be difficult to purge.

When you are on that St. Lucia beach with those North Pole layers, no one can see the real you - you are hiding in what you perceive to be a safe place. The truth is that 'safe place' is downright miserable. You are uncomfortable and afraid inside. That 'safe place' is a place where your potential stays buried, your true emotions remain hidden, your friends and family remain distant, and your actions are determined by your fears. You act out of fear.

Self-doubt is the fuel of fear - a fear of self! And self-doubt resides in your mind - in your thoughts. When you doubt self, you allow fear to dominate you. You dramatize situations over and over again and constantly try to encourage others to validate your fears so you can feel comfortable in the fear-dominated decisions you are making in your life. You know that you are paralyzed and are infinitely far from realizing your purpose and fulfilling your potential because the obstacles in front of you seem like they might as well be permanent. You believe this because it is safe and comfortable; change is too hard! You are always uncertain and hesitant inside. Over time, you begin to surround yourself with people like you. You doubt yourself to the point that you make decisions based on what others want for you and not what you want for yourself. By doing this habitually, you often second-guess yourself and the "self-pity" mindset becomes debilitating.

“By fully experiencing and going beyond an emotional block - through the layers of doubt and fear - you experience the emotion of who you truly are.”- Stephen Richards

Let me offer a new approach. In this approach, you are in control and you are responsible for yourself.

1) Begin a gratitude journal. For 30 days, decide to be consciously grateful and document this throughout your day (words, photos, receipts, etc) as you feel positive emotions. Stop drowning in self pity by focusing on what you lack - CHOOSE to focus on what you do have and what you are accomplishing and foster the feeling of gratitude. Describe why you are grateful for people and things. Write slowly and feel and savor each word. As you build this habit, expand your awareness and really experience the world you are living in. Most importantly, keep it positive. You can print shorter statements of gratitude to carry with you to reference in moments where the layers of self doubt are prominent. Continue your gratitude journal as you progress through the next steps.

2) Document the areas of self doubt and associated emotions. After you have developed the habit of identifying areas of gratitude, you're ready to start some of the hard work. Take one week to write down areas of your life where you notice that qualities like hatred, bitterness, envy, jealousy, resentment, self-pity, and suspicion (lack of trust) are present. These are the layers of self doubt. As you document the areas, be sure to write down how this affects you and how it makes you feel. This is your reaction to the layers of self doubt.

3) Set goals. Now that you have identified the areas of self doubt and the associated emotions, take another week to write down action statements to turn those areas into venues of joy, forgiveness, humor, courage, hope, and self-confidence. This is the first step to removing the layers of self doubt. Outline goals to match your action statements. This is you identifying your range of work.

4) Determine which goals you will pursue. You know what work needs be done, but are you ready for change? Take a day to go somewhere quiet and peaceful. You may have a lot of goals and pursuing them all at once can be daunting. Use this day to determine which goals to pursue. This is you identifying what work you are willing to do.

5) DO THE WORK! P.C. Cast said “I seek strength, not to be greater than other, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself”. Doing your work is you removing the layers of self doubt. There are no excuses. If you get off track, you can always jump back on track! Remember to continue the gratitude journal. This is you filling in your new layers of self - confidence. You are on the beach in St. Lucia in a swimsuit...everyone can see you -the real you- and you're thrilled and comfortable with that.

We have heard the quote love thyself. Most of us probably know someone who is really into themselves. I have noticed that these people are generally not well liked by people around them. They may be viewed as arrogant or stuck up. Upon closer examination, this viewpoint tends to originate from someone who lacks self love. People who lack self love often envy those who love themselves and find it difficult to love others. Years ago, a boyfriend thought I was becoming too attached to him for the wrong reason and he offered some helpful advice which I have never forgotten. He said "imagine that you are going to an important event. You are dressed in an exquisite dress and you are beautiful. You love the dress you have on. That is you single. Now imagine that I am an accessory such as a bracelet, pair of earrings, ring, hairpiece, etc. You are prepared to go to the party with no accessories and you love the way you look in the exquisite dress. Now choose me, your accessory. We look great together, but we also look great alone." He was emphasizing that I was not whole without him. I can now admit that I was using him to become whole, and thus, our relationship was doomed to fail. His point was, be whole without others. Then others can accompany you in life to accentuate the person you already are. If you hate the dress you are wearing to the party, there is no accessory that can make you love the dress. I have never forgotten this lesson! Since then, I have worked diligently to love myself. Believe it or not, you have to learn to love yourself first.

There were some important lessons I had to learn that I love to share:
● Make peace with your past and any painful memories.
● Recognize that can continually enjoy the present and make healthy decisions today.
● Be yourself! There is not another you and you are not someone else. BE YOU.
● Know that mistakes are good. Each setback is an opportunity to improve. Mistakes are the lessons that prepare us to optimize our potential.

Love presents itself on this journey called life. When you have reached a point in life where you can love self, you have awoken. How good is that? AWAKEN and be present- love self! Recognize and accept your uniqueness. Believe in the masterpiece you are. Stop the self criticism and negative thought patterns. Know that it is good to feel confidence and to feel the ability to be able to positively contribute to your environment. The world will tell you differently! The below photo is an ad run by Selective Search where executive search meets personal matchmaking. The idea is Selective Search can find the perfect match for highly discriminating men and women. Think...you are one of billions of people surrounded by people trying to weed you out and find reasons why you are not the perfect match. Loving self is paramount.

But you're probably thinking that there was more to the love thyself quote. Love thyself AND thy neighbor. I believe that those who are still working on loving themselves often struggle to love others. The negative thought patterns can infiltrate and take over. This inhibits our ability to stand on the solid ground/foundation that self love presents. Recognizing and accepting ourselves as we are is taking notice that we are not carbon copies of anything. We are each beautifully unique in our own regard. Love who you are and love who others are. JUST BE! Accept others and allow them to just BE.

Part of mental fitness is the process of putting positive balanced thoughts into your mind. Sometimes we find this difficult to do if our subconscious has been conditioned to thinking according to negative thought patterns. The recognition that we might have faulty thinking and belief patterns programmed into our subconscious can be a difficult realization. Think of the subconscious mind as the habit mind where all positive and negative habits are stored. These habits were programmed beginning with the day we were born. You may have 18 years of negative programming from your childhood or several years of negative programming from the use of an addictive substance or a bad relationship. If you do not take control of your habit mind, then you are choosing to let others control you.

Make a conscious choice to transmit and receive positive energy.

For a period of 30 days, take steps to push the negative thoughts out of your mind by giving attention and focus to positive thoughts or positive affirmations. Continually disregard thought patterns described in How to Identify Negative Thought Patterns.  Starve negative thoughts of attention and focus. Refuse your normal/old self. If necessary, focus on one thought pattern at a time and ensure you are not replacing the removal of that pattern with the introduction of another negative thought pattern. Consistency is one of the key factors for reprogramming/retraining the subconscious mind. Some of the most common ways of achieving increase positive thinking are:

• Focus: Focus on your thoughts and identify negative areas for removal.
  
• Visualization: Imagine positive states of being.
  
• Meditation: Quiet your conscious mind and then influence your subconscious mind.
  
• Positive Affirmations: Repeat positive statements to yourself for the purpose of installing new beliefs.
  
• Change Your Environment: Change the people you hang around. Change the places you frequent. Change the music you listen to.
  
• Change Your Eating and Sleeping Habits: Poor physical health can negatively impact our mental state. Take care of yourself!
  

Frank Outlaw said, "Watch your thoughts, they become words.  Watch your words, they become actions.  Watch your actions, they become habits.  Watch your habits, they become your character.  Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."  Everything begins with your thought and the thoughts of others.  Turn the tide inside your head today!  

Being aware of the energy you bring into the world can be achieved through thought observation. Thoughts drive actions in most cases. If you watch your thoughts which shape your mental state, you will realize that your thoughts form patterns that run through your mind throughout the day while applied to a variety of scenarios and situations.

When we find ourselves in a negatively charged situation, the natural and most common thing to do is to assign blame. By embracing "live in self", we can begin to look within and observe self. We own the energy we bring into the world and take responsibility for it.

Own your energy.

Negative thought patterns can be the foundation of unhappiness for ourselves and the people who surround us. Consider whether your attitude towards life is stopping you and others from bringing positive energy to any situation. To change the negative thought patterns most of us apply to life, we must first be aware of what they are:

• The OCD Thought Pattern: YOU are obsessed with perfection and constantly think that everything needs to be improved. Nothing is ever good enough.
  
• The Comparative Thought Pattern: YOU spend a lot of time comparing yourself to other people and as a result you always think you aren't good enough.
  
• The Polarized Thought Pattern: YOU look at life as black or white - an inflexible view of the world. YOU fail to see the shades of grey present in nearly every issue or opinion presented to you.
  
• The Personal Attack Thought Pattern: YOU think that everything that does not go YOUR way is a cut against you personally.
  
• The Find A Problem Thought Pattern: YOU are always looking for problems or faults in any situation.
  
• The All or Nothing Thought Pattern: YOU don't give yourself or others an opportunity to live life in the grey zone. YOU feel that people's actions should always be "all or nothing". Therefore, failure is often inevitable.
  
• The Envy Thought Pattern: When you are in the comparative thought pattern, you are constantly envious of those that are where you want to be in life and as a result, you cannot be happy for them.
  
• The Overthinking Thought Pattern: YOU think too much about things instead of living in the moment. Your thoughts stifle you and prevent you from living.
  
• The Jump to Conclusions Thought Pattern: YOU constantly jump to conclusions without any evidence. YOU don't give people the benefit of the doubt.
  
• The If I Could I Would Thought Pattern: YOU make excuses for why you are not where you want to be instead of outlining the actions you will take to get there. As a result, YOU constantly feel powerless.
  

Now that you have identified what some of your negative thought patterns are, consider how continuing this type of thinking can negatively impact the people you interact with and how your actions might cause them to spiral into their own negative thought patterns or might bring them down.

Do you know someone who defines themselves by what they do? Does their career or personal accomplishments or failures make them happy or sad? Do you know someone who wallows in sorrow at the first sign of difficulty, challenge, or hurdle? If they cannot succeed at work, do they take it out on their spouses or friends or children when they come home? Are you that person? Am I that person?

At a marriage conference called Life to Remember, the audience was encouraged to do something very important - Value Who You Are, Not What You Do.

Luckily I was a part of this audience and I heard the message loud and clear. Hear the message loud and clear. We cannot anticipate the certainty of difficulties and problems nor can we always respond properly to them or guarantee control of results from our actions.

I have a small Post-It Note at work filled with short three word reminders to keep me grounded. One reminder says - Let go of results.

This means that to begin each day with who I am. Socrates said, "Man, know thyself." I assess myself. I perform work throughout the day based on who I am - I do the best that I can. I work from my soul - the center of my being - the inner me. After that, regardless of what happens, I let go of the results. I treat each day as a learning laboratory. The results do not dictate happiness or sadness - the person I am dictates that. Has anyone ever told you after a negative event - "Don't beat yourself up? They are saying let go of results - you are not your results. I encourage you to begin to live in self. This means using our responses to results to draw us closer to our true self. Show who you are. Be defined by who you are. Be remembered for the type of person you were - not the job you did. At any funeral I have ever attended, the message is usually either about "who someone was" or "what someone did". If the message was primarily about "what someone did", it is because no one remembered or knew "who they were".

Maintain emotional consistency by developing a sound inner foundation. View challenges, successes and failures as opportunities to build on, refine, or develop your inner self. Start to value who you are.

Ask yourself the following important questions:

Who am I? What is important to me? How do I respond to failure? How do I respond to success? Does my job define me? How do people describe me? By my results only? How would I describe myself? Do failures and successes define me?  Do I live in self?

What life experiences challenge you or prevent you from knowing who you are?  How do you overcome them?

Recently, I visited two dear friends of mine – a married couple of 10 years.  I am always interested in the interactions of married couples because I want to learn and apply lessons learned to my own relationships.  The gentleman kept asking his wife to refrain from using the word “little” when she spoke.  She would say “I have a little job” or “We have done a little bit to fix up this house” or “We’re going to live on a little boat”.  The word "little" means small in size, amount, or degree.  The gentleman emphasized that throughout her whole life, his wife had minimized everything – her accomplishments, her worth, etc.

When you listen to yourself talk, try to notice if you use these words.  Also try to notice if you use these words when you talk to other people to describe their efforts or contributions.  Notice if you use this word to describe your belongings.  Notice similarly if you use the word “big” or any of its synonyms to describe what you perceive to be letdowns, mistakes or failures.

Words do matter.  Our words are often a reflection of our thoughts.  My advice is to look at your accomplishments with pride.  If you cannot recognize each accomplishment as a significant step, then you may not keep going to the top.  Look at the things you have with pride and recognize that they are enough for you; your belongings do not need to be compared to other’s belongings or minimized.  Look at the seemingly negative moments (I call them life’s lessons) and learn from them rather than dramatizing them.

Think of when you take medicine or when you bake something.  The amount of medicine you take or the amount of the ingredients you use is not “little” or “big”.  It is just right for the recipe.  The present need not be minimized or inflated.  It is what it is and it should work for you.

Choose your words carefully.  This big (I almost said little) change will improve your self esteem and make you much happier.  Believe in self!

In 2015, Kendall Schler, who was originally declared the winner of the 2015 St. Louis Marathon on April 12, had her title taken away and was officially disqualified after marathon officials discovered that she cheated to win the race. Schler came onto the course at the last checkpoint to cross the finish line before the other 582 female runners.  During the race, she was never seen among competitors or among the leaders.  She certainly isn't the only runner to take a shortcut during a marathon!

There is no quick road to success and there are no huge shortcuts.  When you are on a long journey, a shortcut can be very tempting.  The motivation that over 500,000 runners complete marathons each year through honest hard work is not enough for some who want to receive recognition that they did not earn.

Prepare yourself along your journey for success.  Create your own definition of success by defining milestones that result from your hard work.  Mingle with competitors and even with leaders when the opportunities present themselves.  View their company as a learning opportunity, a motivational moment, or an encouraging encounter.  Keep trying...and when you finally cross the finish line, you'll be recognized as a deserving recipient.

Dear Monday, 

Fuck you! 

Sincerely,The World 

I think that short letter appropriately describes most of my colleagues' facial expressions before 11 am on Monday Morning.  Do you always get the “Monday Morning Blues”? After a nice relaxing weekend, it can be hard to wake up on Monday morning. Monday morning always seems to arrive too soon.  You’re thinking to yourself, “ugh…the weekend is over…”.  You lack passion and motivation, and you feel sluggish, anxious, sad, stressed out.  Well you’re not alone.  Did you know that most workers don’t smile until about 11:16 am on Mondays?  Research also reveals that suicides are more likely to occur on Mondays and the majority of sick leave is taken on Monday.  Life is too short to spend any day feeling negative!  Here are the top 5 ways to help you turn Monday into the best day of the week.

1. Get focused.  What you do each day matters.  Try three techniques to get you through the Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday stretch.  First, do not “check out” at noon on Friday. When you do this, you leave Friday’s work for yourself on Monday.  Second, plan out Monday’s work on Friday.  When you get into work on Monday, you will feel less overwhelmed and more organized.  Finally, what you do on the weekend matters. Deliberately pick a day to stay at home on the weekend.  Too much time out results in less sleep.

2) Rise and shine. Stop being lazy and get out of bed!  While it is easy to just sleep in, try to retain the same sleep schedule throughout the week for a consistent refreshed and energized feeling.  Avoid going into the weekend with a sleep deficit.  If you need to, choose one weekend day to sleep in.  Choosing both Saturday and Sunday can make it difficult to get back to a regular sleep schedule during the week.

3) Use Sunday night wisely.  Plan to get seven to nine hours of sleep.  This way when your alarm clock rings, you’re not likely to hit the snooze button.  Set out your Monday morning outfit (make Monday your “look amazing” day - when you look great, you feel great!) and get your lunch ready in the refrigerator.  When you wake up, plan to get out of the door with little stress.

4) Eat, drink, and exercise right.  Start the day off right!  Exercising after you wake up will get your energy flowing for a productive fun weekend.  I like Fitness Blender workouts.  If you can, exercise outdoors to reduce your melatonin levels.  After you exercise, give yourself a metabolism boost by eating a healthy breakfast.  As always, maximize your water intake.  Don’t drink alcohol excessively on the weekend.  It is commonly known that alcohol is a depressant and your mood and sleep will improve if you can reduce consumption.  Likewise, avoid energy drinks and caffeine after the morning hours so that you can get quality sleep.  Another tip is to detach from the desk. Take 5 minutes each hour to get up and walk around.  Avoid eating lunch at your desk.

5) Look forward to EVERY day. Most people always go through the work week looking forward to Friday. Live for each day. Plan fun events and spend quality time with friends and family during the week too. Be deliberate and schedule it if you have to. Still need a little extra to get through Monday? Make Monday rewarding by waking up early on Monday and heading out to your favorite spot for a quick breakfast with a friend. Or, plan something after work on Monday so you have something to look forward to.

It's time to change how you think.  See Monday as a new beginning, not an end. Think of Monday as the beginning of a great week ahead instead of the end to an awesome weekend. Set your intention. Tell yourself on Sunday night that you are going to have a great day tomorrow. Wake yourself up with positive affirmations. Be grateful for being alive and healthy on Monday and be grateful that you get to go to work.

     Who are you? This is one of the most profound questions you can ask yourself. The term "self" describes your true identity. How would you like to permanently experience your true self? Your answer probably depends on your definition of self. What is your true identity?  Discovering the answer to this question can require some honest thinking about who you are in the open and behind closed doors. Be prepared to be honest with yourself.

Defining Your Self
     Do you lead a double life or does the REAL YOU permeate in all aspects of your life? Are you a different person at work, at home, and with your friends? A lack of internal self-definition manifests in a desire look outside of ourselves for definition.  Paul Sposite says "we are the only ones who will be judged by our actions, not the others whom we based our self on."
     People often define themselves externally by their looks, associations, material possessions and professions. Who we know and associate with can also be a quick way of defining ourselves. By defining ourselves in this manner, we restrict our own ability to feel self-worth. We rely on looking right, performing right, having the right car, someone's approval of us, or knowing the right people for our self-worth. We may begin to believe that something is wrong, defective, flawed, unimportant, unworthy, or inadequate with ourselves. Things don’t define you. People don’t define you. Jobs don’t define you. The truth is, nothing outside of you can define you. You define you.  All the power to define you is in self. Live in Self!  When we perform honest self-examination and learn about who we really are, we move beyond external definitions into internal definitions.

Redefining Self
     Think for a moment about what you really value in others. You might find that you value honesty, kindness, generosity, compassion, understanding, empathy, acceptance, etc. Now accept responsibility for defining yourself. Take a moment to write down and start to define yourself in positive ways.

Taking Action for a Permanent Experience of Self
     Action follows definition - your definition affects the decisions you make and actions you take. By acting on your self-definition, you create lasting positive habits that will form the authentic you. Consistent actions across all areas of your life determine who you are. Your actions are a reflection of your thoughts - a reflection of your inner self. Every action is a result of a thought.
     How do you want people to define you? If your actions are consistent in all areas of your life, people will respect you - the true and authentic you. They will understand that the outside of you matches the inside of you. Be brave! Create your new ideal - be yourself and solidify your authentic self with congruent actions in all areas of your life. Steve Maraboli says "the most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. It is in this relationship that you set the standard for all others."

Realizing That Definition of Self Never Stops
     Defining ourselves is a lifelong dynamic process. The more we know, the better we do. As we progress through life through various levels of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development, our sense of self will continue to be refined and matured.  Let's walk through these levels of development/existence.  On the physical level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from positive physical achievements (i.e. sports, violence) but quickly realizes that someone who is stronger or an injury can take away this sense of fulfillment leaving one feeling weak.  On the spiritual level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from successful use of their brain power but realizes over time that mental capacity can fade and smarter people can take away this sense of fulfillment leaving one feeling inadequate.  On the emotional level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from the love and emotional support of others, but this too can be taken away at a moment's notice.  Finally on the spiritual level, a person recognizes that personal fulfillment is realized through freedom from the world. This is sometimes referred to as enlightenment. We realize the true self does not require rationalization or justification. When you reach this stage, the natural attributes of your authentic and true self manifest in your daily experience.