Defining Self

     Who are you? This is one of the most profound questions you can ask yourself. The term "self" describes your true identity. How would you like to permanently experience your true self? Your answer probably depends on your definition of self. What is your true identity?  Discovering the answer to this question can require some honest thinking about who you are in the open and behind closed doors. Be prepared to be honest with yourself.

Defining Your Self
     Do you lead a double life or does the REAL YOU permeate in all aspects of your life? Are you a different person at work, at home, and with your friends? A lack of internal self-definition manifests in a desire look outside of ourselves for definition.  Paul Sposite says "we are the only ones who will be judged by our actions, not the others whom we based our self on."
     People often define themselves externally by their looks, associations, material possessions and professions. Who we know and associate with can also be a quick way of defining ourselves. By defining ourselves in this manner, we restrict our own ability to feel self-worth. We rely on looking right, performing right, having the right car, someone's approval of us, or knowing the right people for our self-worth. We may begin to believe that something is wrong, defective, flawed, unimportant, unworthy, or inadequate with ourselves. Things don’t define you. People don’t define you. Jobs don’t define you. The truth is, nothing outside of you can define you. You define you.  All the power to define you is in self. Live in Self!  When we perform honest self-examination and learn about who we really are, we move beyond external definitions into internal definitions.

Redefining Self
     Think for a moment about what you really value in others. You might find that you value honesty, kindness, generosity, compassion, understanding, empathy, acceptance, etc. Now accept responsibility for defining yourself. Take a moment to write down and start to define yourself in positive ways.

Taking Action for a Permanent Experience of Self
     Action follows definition - your definition affects the decisions you make and actions you take. By acting on your self-definition, you create lasting positive habits that will form the authentic you. Consistent actions across all areas of your life determine who you are. Your actions are a reflection of your thoughts - a reflection of your inner self. Every action is a result of a thought.
     How do you want people to define you? If your actions are consistent in all areas of your life, people will respect you - the true and authentic you. They will understand that the outside of you matches the inside of you. Be brave! Create your new ideal - be yourself and solidify your authentic self with congruent actions in all areas of your life. Steve Maraboli says "the most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself. It is in this relationship that you set the standard for all others."

Realizing That Definition of Self Never Stops
     Defining ourselves is a lifelong dynamic process. The more we know, the better we do. As we progress through life through various levels of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual development, our sense of self will continue to be refined and matured.  Let's walk through these levels of development/existence.  On the physical level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from positive physical achievements (i.e. sports, violence) but quickly realizes that someone who is stronger or an injury can take away this sense of fulfillment leaving one feeling weak.  On the spiritual level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from successful use of their brain power but realizes over time that mental capacity can fade and smarter people can take away this sense of fulfillment leaving one feeling inadequate.  On the emotional level, a person derives their sense of fulfillment and competency from the love and emotional support of others, but this too can be taken away at a moment's notice.  Finally on the spiritual level, a person recognizes that personal fulfillment is realized through freedom from the world. This is sometimes referred to as enlightenment. We realize the true self does not require rationalization or justification. When you reach this stage, the natural attributes of your authentic and true self manifest in your daily experience.