Several years ago, I was at a local grocery store and had a full cart of food. I was checking out when I noticed the man behind me. He didn't wear fancy clothing and didn't look clean. He had a small basket with about 10 Hungry Man frozen meals and a few other items. I had a strange feeling inside and told the cashier to add his groceries to my bill. She relayed the news to him and his demeanor immediately changed. A small smile appeared on his face as he asked "Are you sure?" I said "I am 100% sure. Please allow me to pay for your items sir". His smile grew bigger and tears appeared in his tired eyes. "Thank you. You have given me hope in the good of people again. No one has ever done anything like this for me before", he said. I gave a warm smile, told him I was glad to help, and wished him a good evening. As I went to my new truck in the parking lot, I watched the man walk to his vehicle - a very old one with plastic duct taped in the place of some windows. He needed grace. And I needed to be reminded that I would never have too much to prevent me from lending a helping hand or demonstrating the essence and purpose of humanity - COMPASSION. If you think you are so far above the homeless or the people who have less than you financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc., you might find yourself in their position sooner than later so you can in fact discover how close you are.

We cannot seek or attain health, wealth, learning, justice or kindness in general. Action is always specific, concrete, individualized, unique. - Benjamin Jowett

Most days we utter generic words of our great intentions. We are all in varying positions through which we can make a difference in people's lives. Kindness does change people. It is not a sign of weakness. You can restore someone's hope in humanity or have a powerful impact that they remember for the rest of their life. Instead of being generic about your intentions, be genuine and ACT.

Here are 10 ways to keep kindness going and to be genuine.

1. Thank a veteran when you see one. The same goes for any profession. Take opportunities to communicate how you value others for their services.
2. Buy a meal for someone at another table when you go out to eat.
3. Smile at others. Even if they don't smile back, they will be taken to a happy place from your smile alone.
4. Choose to be patient with retail employees. Don't be the normal rude customer that they encounter regularly.
5. Volunteer! Services that help those in need often only exist because of volunteers.
6. Utter a simple "good morning" with a smile as you run into people in the morning. Set the tone for a great day.
7. Pay compliments. Many people think nice things about people but never utter them.
8. Adopt a family in need during the holidays. This is an experience you will never forget - putting a smile on the face of parents and children during a holiday is truly rewarding.
9. Exercise patience in situations where you find yourself waiting. This is an opportunity to stop and think - to settle down mentally and to reset! Take it.
10. Send a random card to family. Let them know you love them. Some family always wonders if anyone truly cares about them. Though they may never express this, they do wonder - trust me! Send something and remove the doubt.

Goethe said "Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together". I believe this to be true. Through kindness and compassion, we are all connected. When we act kind and feel kind towards others, we develop a certain inner happiness and peace. Living in self allows us to be at peace with our surroundings. Too often we underestimate the power of kindness and caring. IT CAN CREATE THE HOPE WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

As you go throughout your day, what if you had to speak aloud your intention for each action? 

Do you dislike your intentions?  Do your intentions disappoint or embarrass you?  Would they disappoint others? 

Do your actions actually align with your intentions?  Are your actions for the benefit of all?  I encourage you to be clear with yourself about your intentions.  Then, remember actions always beat intentions.   

Now, we can all probably say and reasonably justify to ourselves that all of our actions serve (or at some time) served a positive purpose.  Remember that your intentions should aid you in taking greater control of your life.  Without intention, you may stray anywhere.  If your actions do not seem to reflect your intentions, I encourage you to find new actions that successfully achieve the positive intentions.

Your truth is reflected in your actions.  Be aware of your actions and acknowledge the intentions behind your actions.   Try to improve your actions and intentions.  Write down your intentions and demonstrate your commitment to your intentions through your actions.  Is there noticeable change in your behavior over time or have you been stagnant?  Use examination of self to shed light on your truths and aim to be better than you have ever been.  AIM TO BE YOUR VERY BEST!

Mindfulness is a hot topic amongst spiritual leaders, Western philosophers, and psychologists that is deeply rooted in Buddhist traditions. It is widely used by psychologists to positively alleviate mental and physical conditions.

What is mindfulness and is mindfulness for you?

Marlatt & Kristeller define mindfulness as “bringing one’s complete attention to the present experience on a moment-to-moment basis”. Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as "paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally" and "the art of conscious living". Kabat-Zinn is a famous teacher of mindfulness meditation and the founder of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center. He is sometimes referred to as the father of modern mindfulness. I recommend reading Kabat-Zinn's book titled Mindfulness for Beginners.  

Mindfulness for Beginners is a good primer for understanding this basic idea that is being studied in depth by many of our respected philosophers and spiritual leaders and a topic that is reported to help children and adults in EVERY aspect of their lives.

Mindfulness is for everyone!

AWARENESS vs. THINKING

One of the things that caught me by surprise in Kabat-Zinn's book was the concept of adjusting one's default setting. The state of thinking is our default setting. Mindfulness emphasizes being aware over being lost in thought. I had never really thought how much time I spend thinking when I could be enjoying the present moment. Throughout the day, there are multiple instances when I am physically present but mentally absent and disengaged. Kabat-Zinn compares thoughts to the commentary one hears during a sporting event. The commentary reflects someone else's views and opinions of the event. The sporting event would be viewed and experienced differently without the commentary.

Thoughts are the self-generated voice-over of life. Mostly these thoughts are about the past or future. Kabat-Zinn says that "thinking completely dominates our lives and colors everything we feel and do and care about". Sometimes, it is the continuous negative thought pattern reel. What if we silenced the outside and inside voices once in a while? Life could be experienced differently with an increased focus on being aware of the here and now without the often annoying, negative, and destructive voice-over. Think - is your mind full OR are you being mindful?

Mindfulness is noticing when we are lost in thoughts and being aware enough to deliberately return to the present moment experience.

BEING vs. DOING

Mindfulness is being instead of doing; it is being present now.

The state of doing is the mindless rush of the day where we multi-task from sunrise to sundown. I often spend my work day multi-tasking over 10 tasks at a time. I bounce from one task to another all day and. sometimes, I do not complete any tasks. Then I mix in social and family events/tasks with work events/tasks. The to-do list never seems to get shorter. The state of doing is the non-stop juggling of all aspects of our life all day every day. The state of being is being present for the moment of right now. It is forgetting about the to-do-list long enough to focus on a singular task in front of us. Just be.  |be aware|

Do you need daily reminders to be positive? Think about the places you go every day and add built-in positive reminders. If you can increase your positive thinking, then I believe positive actions are not far behind.

Here are 5 simple ideas for putting positive reminders around you:

1) You may get in your car at least twice daily. Get custom positive car license plates or a positive key chain.

2) You probably visit your bathroom and sink in your home multiple times each day. Put a positive decoration in your bathroom or near your sink. Vinyl decals are a nice low cost addition to any wall.

3) You may sit at your work desk for 8+ hours a day. Put some positive décor on your computer desktop or on your desk.

4) You probably type multiple passwords into a variety of accounts each day. Use a positive password for a reminder each time you use it.

5) You may look at your phone dozens of times each day. Put a uplifting background on your home screen and screen saver. Try getting a phone case with an uplifting message.

I usually wake my son up in the morning with an energetic and fairly loud "Rise and Shine" in the hopes that he will jump out of bed enthusiastically ready for the day. What usually happens is that he rolls over slowly, peeks from under the covers with a squinty-eyed scowl and asks if he can sleep at least five more minutes. How do you wake up in the morning? Is it Rise and Shine or Rise and Whine?

As adults, our wake up routine can be far more calculated than the wake up routine of a child. How can we get from rising to shining? I offer to you that personal vectoring can help tremendously. What is personal vectoring? Personal vectoring is self dialogue intended to carry you in a specific direction. A few years ago, I started a practice of saying a daily silent prayer or statement of intention prior to opening my eyes. It goes something like this:

Thank you for allowing me to rise and see another day. Thank you for the blessings you have granted me throughout my life. Thank you for the opportunities this day will offer. Help me to say positive things to people. Help me to smile and acknowledge people. Help me to be productive and open to learning. Help me to listen better and to be energetic. Help me to be progressive - to be part of solutions. Help me let go of negativity. Help me to stay focused. Now Rise and Shine Bhakti!

This self dialogue can go on for one to three minutes. Then I open my eyes and go about my day. Does it help you might ask? It certainly cannot hurt. My days don't always go as planned but often this self dialogue follows me throughout the day as I interact with others and choose my reactions to my dynamic environment. While my actions are not always perfect, I have become more aware of my surroundings and my reactions and I find it easier to identify where improvement is warranted.

I believe that starting the day with statements of intention is an fruitful examination and acknowledgement of self. Acknowledgement of our existence and associated gratitude as well as recognition of areas requiring improvement is healthy. It doesn't have to be out loud. Next time you wake up, try these five simple steps:

1. Recite a personal statement.
2. Recite at least 3 statements of intention.
3. Smile.
4. Rise and SHINE!
5. Be your best self. (action beats intention)

Do you notice all the little things in your lives or do they pass you by? Did you notice the world around you today?

Do you walk through life in a daze feeling overwhelmed, underachieved, entitled, and unsatisfied? Do you only celebrate the big stuff?

Is there anything "small" you are grateful for? Can you find a reason to celebrate right now?

There are 86,400 seconds in one day. How many of those have you used to say Thank You or to express gratitude?

The first step to gratitude is being present and aware. Being present allows you to experience a recurring colorful touch by life. If you are in a daze, you are unable to acknowledge or appreciate the small things or the things that are just always there. It's time to wake up. Suman Rai says "Choose happiness today by taking life moment by moment, complaining very little, and being thankful for the little things that mean a lot".

I challenge you to stop and TAKE TIME today to appreciate the small things and moments that are contributing to your life. Count your blessings. START by being grateful for the ability to read this article. 1/3 of the world has no access to the Internet and over 700 million people in the world cannot read. Now, take 5-10 minutes to write a list of 15 things you are grateful for. Here's mine:

1. I am grateful for the job I have.
2. I am grateful for a comfortable place to stay.
3. I am grateful for food to eat and water to drink.
4. I am grateful for the skill of writing and typing.
5. I am grateful for family and friends.
6. I am grateful for my struggles which have made me the person I am today.
7. I am grateful for curiosity and the desire to learn.
8. I am grateful for a healthy existence today.
9. I am grateful for innovation.
10. I am grateful for diversity and uniqueness.
11. I am grateful for the beauty in nature.
12. I am grateful for my sight, hearing, and touch.
13. I am grateful to everyone who has taught me and loved me.
14. I am grateful for laughter and smiles.
15. I am grateful for today.

Take this list and put it in a place you go often. Revisit it when you are feeling down or dazed. Add to it too!

Always be blessed and be a blessing.

When my son was a toddler, my father advised me that I needed to bring him up with some religion. He emphasized that it did not matter which one as long as there was one - one that gave him something to believe in. I think what he meant was to raise him with a belief system.

Live in Self is religion neutral. While religions can certainly inform one's belief system, it is not necessary to be a part of a specific religion to have a robust and healthy belief system. Live in Self is a online community and forum where readers and contributors have an opportunity to discuss beliefs openly.

A belief system is what supports you and gives you comfort; it is your belief of how you fit into the universe. The important thing is that you do not have to prove your belief system to anyone. You don't have to justify it either. Your belief system requires no template. It is unique to you. It is the steering wheel and all of the software and hardware behind it. Occasionally, you may upgrade or personalize/customize your software and hardware. Then, all you have to do is turn. If you find yourself turning in the wrong direction, just make a correction; some corrections may be slight or gradual and some may be very sudden and pronounced.

A robust belief system steers you through your actions and reactions. At the core of my belief system is compassion and the golden rule. What is at the core of your belief system?

Have you ever listened to the words you speak? This is what Linus Mundy suggests as Idea #20 in the book Slow-down Therapy for rediscovering time and life. It made me think - so many times I have been advised to listen to others when they speak. But there is probably equal benefit to actually listening to the words I say. Audrey McLaughlin says "When you listen, it's amazing what you can learn. When can you act on what you've learned, it's amazing what you can change." And don't we all wish to be the change?

Listening goes farther than hearing the words you speak. It also involves a self examination with the goal of truly understanding ourselves. In the book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred, Mark Nepo defines listening as "the doorway to everything that matters. It enlivens the heart the way breathing enlivens the lungs. We listen to awaken the heart...to stay vital and alive."

The act of listening is difficult due to all the external and internal distractions. But I am interested into opening the door to life. Here are some benefits I think we can reap from listening to ourselves speak:

- Talk Less. Listen to your words and consider whether you really need to say what you are saying. You don't like listening to BS, so be part of the solution and stop uttering it.

- Talk at the appropriate tone and level. Instead of raising your voice to speak to others, go to them and then speak at a reasonable level. No one else needs to hear the conversation. Remember your tone is what usually makes people tune you out.

- Speak unto others as you would have them speak onto you. As you speak, think - would I like to be spoken to this way? While this can be hard when you're in a heated or engaged discussion, take time to think after if you embodied the Golden Rule.

There's always another conversation coming up during which we can listen to ourselves and learn ways to be better.

Our abilities to control our emotions can TRANSFORM a day, a week, or even a year from sweet or sour. I have severed friendships, other relationships and even a marriage over what I believed to be a very controllable issue - the issue of controlling self in passion zones. In my personal life, I have found it important to NOTICE the areas which I am passionate about and the areas, things, or people which I CARE the most about. I discovered that these were the areas or "passion zones" that activated the most extreme inner emotions. They were the areas where I found myself acting out of someone's best interest or saying more than necessary or being noticeably expressive.

We all have these "passion zones" in our personal (including spiritual) and professional lives. I will describe some personal examples. Professionally, I really cared about saving the government resources, and I really cared about people being valued. When it appeared either of these were out of balance, I began to notice verbal and physical changes in myself, and on occasion, I lost self control. When I lost self control, everyone around me knew it. Everyone knows when you lose it too.

Personally, I cared about my son and was willing to defend him at all costs. This created a zone of tunnel vision in which I could not see past his feelings enough to really see what was in his best interest. This resulted in a loss of my parental control, a degradation of my ability to take my parental responsibilities seriously.

Spiritually, I believed in the greater good and I still do! Believing this about everyone and everything seemed misplaced at times but I have maintained this personal core belief. Let me describe this belief further. I believe that everyone is capable of pressing on to greater things. I believe I have a responsibility to encourage others to never give up on life, on their dreams, on grandiose achievements. One area that I believed would help someone to PRESS ON was knowing the truth. I grew up with a father who was always brutally honest - or so I thought. What is so brutal about honesty -- honesty can be objective and subjective and sometimes its subjectivity makes it hard to swallow. Honesty up front can be better than a stream of lies. It allows one to correct their course much earlier and propels one towards success sooner.

The point is a loss of control in any area of 'self' can have predictable or unpredictable consequences. A self examination can REVEAL the circumstances driving this loss of control. Some will be self-inflicted and some will be external. If you find it to be a circumstance outside of your span of control, then change your reaction. If it is a circumstance inside your span of control, then look at the benefit of changing the situation.

In the case of my work passion zone - government resource saving and person valuation, I CHOSE a two prong approach - to listen longer before speaking, and to continue valuing others (practicing what I preach). In the way of valuing others, one specific action I took was to give people the benefit of the doubt more often (this didn't always work out with my son). I chose to examine my role and the expectations of my level of involvement for each situation. This was a recurring dynamic process. I realized that not everyone needed my input and give the opportunity most people reached the same end state I desired without my inputs. Trying to relax and take deep breaths while listening in a conversation helped tremendously. I felt a hidden sense of personal accomplishment - no one knew but I was making small victories in the way of controlling SELF.

In the case of my personal passion zone - my son- I chose to listen to other inputs from people I trusted and cared about. I implemented ideas of others and watched the results roll in. In most cases, I was receiving sound advice and needed the alternative opinions to fill up my parenting toolbox. No one knew it but making the tough choices sometimes made me cry or made me sad but those emotions were an afterthought as my son continued to mature.

In the case of my spiritual passion zone - compassion- I continue doing a deep dive to examine how to insert compassion appropriately and frequently in my thoughts and actions.

What are your 'passion zones', and how do you control your SELF in these zones?

I began to think recently about what emotions I spread and what emotions I pick up from the people I interact with.

When my son was little and even now, I refer to him as Oscar (for Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street) when he is in a foul mood.  He dislikes this because in my opinion, it is a sign that I recognize and acknowledge his emotion.  What if our friends did this to us - identified our emotions?  Would we then be more aware?  The first step to being aware of what emotions we are spreading is to be aware of our current emotions and to avoid denial of emotions.  I am becoming increasingly aware of how my emotions impact the people around me.  This awareness also helps me understand how others' emotions are impacting me.

So what are emotions?  Jack Mayer describes emotions as the bridge between thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Think about what is going on in your life right now.  Notice the emotions you are exhibiting.  There is probably a connection between the two.  Do you feel fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt, or frustration?  Do you feel love, compassion, joy, contentment, happiness, or acceptance?

If you are struggling to identify your emotions, it is possible that you are busy suppressing them.  The tell tale signs of disconnected people may be someone who ignores others feelings, someone who pretends things don't happen, someone who abuses substances such as prescription drugs, alcohol, recreational drugs, or food, someone who is compulsive and/or excessive, someone who is consistently superficial, or someone who is too busy to feel.  I'm sure you could add some signs to this list as well.  Whatever you are feeling should not be trapped or buried inside.  Ask yourself if you operate out of fear or out of love.  If you are unsure, ask a friend.  Odds are they already recognize your emotions.

The truth is that hiding our emotions can make us tired and depressed.  We may find ourselves overreacting to minor situations, walking about with a feeling of uneasiness, unmotivated, and unaware.  If you think this will not affect the people you love, think again.  “The more you identify with a person, the more likely you are to catch the emotion.  Much of this occurs and we are completely oblivious to it.” says John Cacioppo, Ph.D., director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago.

I challenge you to be more conscious and aware of your emotions.  What are you spreading? If you can access the cause of your emotions, you can avoid passing them on to people who don't deserve it.  For example, if you have had a terrible day at work, you can refrain from passing it on to your children and spouse when you arrive at home.  Become an expert at dissolving or diffusing your negative emotions.  Try positive thinking techniques to transform into a more joyful and uplifting person.  This exercise will make you more in tune with what emotions you are spreading and soon you will become someone people want to be around.