Do Not Miss

Sometimes I feel like running away from everything good.  Some days my vision doesn't extend past my singular thought.  The responsibility is too big - too grand for my comprehension most days.  My to-do lists keep getting rewritten.  I keep coming to the edge of missing deadlines.  The bills stack up and the spending bleeds.  I hide.  Everything is on the edge of falling over.  It's a real game of Jenga where you try to pull something out to see what happens to me.  You ask me to prioritize things differently because it will make you feel better about my choices.  You make yourself feel better.  My existence motivates some and disgusts others.  I choke on my history and admire it too.  My confidence rises and I push my insecurities down to my feet.  In painful moments, I crush them.  I stand tall in the midst of doubters because you have no idea where the veil is or how think it is.  I am in your blind spot.  You see my reflection.

I do not lie but I do not tell.  The judgment comes from those closest when trouble walks through the door.  The thought of my offspring suffering bothers me most.  But it bothers others in a way that makes them question my best.  I own my best but it is a derivative of everyone I have encountered passively or actively.  My best is not your best but you mind my business so you judge me. 

Why don't you just  take my hand, join me in honesty about your struggles, your vulnerabilities, and your TRUTH?  In the midst of all of this, your confidence can still rise to the top and we can walk instead of run.  We cannot race to the finish because that point is unknown.  We can walk steadily moment by moment in the open knowing that even if judgment points in our direction, our best moment is now.   No my best moment is now and you must mind your own business lest you run and miss your own best moment.