Ditch The Shallow Filters

While watching Nightline, I watched a segment on the website about www.wherewhitepeoplemeet.com.  It got me thinking of how I met my ex-fiance.  It was on the dating website Plenty of Fish.  On this site, you can filter matches based on religion, body type, race, age, sexual orientation and other factors.  Many people turn to online dating to find love nowadays.  It may not be your style, but it does work for many people.  After four years of dating, I realize now that perhaps it was that initial filtering that made us incompatible - those things I had established filters with weren't actually important to me, but they remained emphasis items throughout that relationship.  Even when the initial signs of incompatibility were present, I still went back for more - more control, negativity, depression, judgment, etc.   

Without any connection to these men, I decided to initiate online contact in an effort to find love purely based on a filter and photos.  Now I know that for me, establishing a connection and then pursuing love based on that connection is best. 

With some mistakes made, some self compassion administered, a long transition and some lessons learned, I moved forward with my life.  A break up doesn't have to set you back - it can launch you forward.  I learned that from previous relationships.

Today, I am with someone who makes me very happy and I didn't use a filter to find him.  I knew him for several years prior to dating him and had a connection outside of romanticism.  He would have never been included in the filter I had established before...not one of the 100s of men that I searched through online to find "true love".   After a year of dating, we have a high degree of compatibility for many reasons that cannot simply be detected by a filter.  For that, I am joyful and grateful.