Controlling Self in a Passion Zone

Our abilities to control our emotions can TRANSFORM a day, a week, or even a year from sweet or sour. I have severed friendships, other relationships and even a marriage over what I believed to be a very controllable issue - the issue of controlling self in passion zones. In my personal life, I have found it important to NOTICE the areas which I am passionate about and the areas, things, or people which I CARE the most about. I discovered that these were the areas or "passion zones" that activated the most extreme inner emotions. They were the areas where I found myself acting out of someone's best interest or saying more than necessary or being noticeably expressive.

We all have these "passion zones" in our personal (including spiritual) and professional lives. I will describe some personal examples. Professionally, I really cared about saving the government resources, and I really cared about people being valued. When it appeared either of these were out of balance, I began to notice verbal and physical changes in myself, and on occasion, I lost self control. When I lost self control, everyone around me knew it. Everyone knows when you lose it too.

Personally, I cared about my son and was willing to defend him at all costs. This created a zone of tunnel vision in which I could not see past his feelings enough to really see what was in his best interest. This resulted in a loss of my parental control, a degradation of my ability to take my parental responsibilities seriously.

Spiritually, I believed in the greater good and I still do! Believing this about everyone and everything seemed misplaced at times but I have maintained this personal core belief. Let me describe this belief further. I believe that everyone is capable of pressing on to greater things. I believe I have a responsibility to encourage others to never give up on life, on their dreams, on grandiose achievements. One area that I believed would help someone to PRESS ON was knowing the truth. I grew up with a father who was always brutally honest - or so I thought. What is so brutal about honesty -- honesty can be objective and subjective and sometimes its subjectivity makes it hard to swallow. Honesty up front can be better than a stream of lies. It allows one to correct their course much earlier and propels one towards success sooner.

The point is a loss of control in any area of 'self' can have predictable or unpredictable consequences. A self examination can REVEAL the circumstances driving this loss of control. Some will be self-inflicted and some will be external. If you find it to be a circumstance outside of your span of control, then change your reaction. If it is a circumstance inside your span of control, then look at the benefit of changing the situation.

In the case of my work passion zone - government resource saving and person valuation, I CHOSE a two prong approach - to listen longer before speaking, and to continue valuing others (practicing what I preach). In the way of valuing others, one specific action I took was to give people the benefit of the doubt more often (this didn't always work out with my son). I chose to examine my role and the expectations of my level of involvement for each situation. This was a recurring dynamic process. I realized that not everyone needed my input and give the opportunity most people reached the same end state I desired without my inputs. Trying to relax and take deep breaths while listening in a conversation helped tremendously. I felt a hidden sense of personal accomplishment - no one knew but I was making small victories in the way of controlling SELF.

In the case of my personal passion zone - my son- I chose to listen to other inputs from people I trusted and cared about. I implemented ideas of others and watched the results roll in. In most cases, I was receiving sound advice and needed the alternative opinions to fill up my parenting toolbox. No one knew it but making the tough choices sometimes made me cry or made me sad but those emotions were an afterthought as my son continued to mature.

In the case of my spiritual passion zone - compassion- I continue doing a deep dive to examine how to insert compassion appropriately and frequently in my thoughts and actions.

What are your 'passion zones', and how do you control your SELF in these zones?