Undoing the Puzzle

'Welcome back...hopefully I didn't scare anyone away for good from that last post. However, the reality is there are many people out there that feel like that.  I know because I once did, and there are suicides every day because these people are not sure how to cope with those feelings. Maybe I'm making this all up, but it seems in my estimation, during a time when you are looking for a confidant to unravel your thoughts and feelings, often times you get shunned. 

Many people make judgement calls based on someone's temporary expression of self. Feelings as strong as the ones described on the previous post, are not easy to express to the masses, when they are not felt by the masses. People only empathize to circumstances and emotions they have personally experienced. Often times labels are put on individuals, due to an inability to express an overwhelming sense of emotion from whatever life circumstances. Labels such as "drama queen", "attention seeker", "liar", or someone who overexaggerrates, can be painful for someone who is just trying to understand what is going on inside them in the first place. Therefore, these deep rooted emotions are kept secret to avoid a public self-scorning. 

When we struggle with strong emotions, in order to understand the manifestation of them we often find ourselves discussing our thoughts with others, to unravel the puzzle of pieces that created them to begin with. However, for myself, as described above, there was a moment of time when it felt as thought no one else knew how to relate. Rather than to cause more social exclusion, I chose to keep these conscious perceptions to myself.

Therein lies the development of psychological dysfunction. The problem with keeping these emotions bottled up is, at no fault or consciousness of our own, they surface in other areas of our lives. Anxiety, PTSD, addiction, bipolar, depression, and even schizophrenia are a few examples of  common mental illnesses that can develop as a result of unexpressed emotion.

Unfortunately, our mind can be our own worst enemy. Especially when the most powerful emotion of comfort and hope has been evacuated from your consciousness, obviously that of love. My personal experience in keeping these things to myself, ultimately created breakdowns, which eventually lead to breakthroughs. The breakdowns was the hopelessness, attempted suicides, depression, and at times, feeling "crazy"; anxiety, OCD, and "busy-ness" took over as ways to cope, as life became "too busy" to deal with "some little emotion". The breakthrough and healing only came because, I was able to recognize a self-destructive behavioral pattern in my life, and I sought help. I studied in depth the development of all of the "issues" I was facing, and followed what I thought to be a way for overcoming each area of dysfunction. 

​I don't believe western medication helps our society. I think it cripples us,  but that is another blog.

In now knowing my history, it will be evident that I have done extensive research in the development of our neurological pathways in many other areas of life which we will touch on as time progresses. 

I will forever be grateful for my internal transformation. 

Selah...