Most people go through each day in consistent and complete distraction because it is the easy way to live.  Being distracted means you never stop and focus on yourself.  To think about who you are is often hard and uncomfortable.  The result is that we then cannot let go of people, experiences, and possessions because that is what we have become or we are afraid of what will be left.

Without these things, we feel alone and afraid.  Fear sets in.  We can't listen to our own thoughts even for five minutes.  We must pick up the phone.  We must turn away from the show that makes us think about struggle and hardship.  We must find the bar.  We must watch the sports game.  We must eat the food.  We must work late.  We must avoid ourselves.

I personally have learned to enjoy the isolation because I am introverted and I like myself.  I have realized that I am struggling with connecting back to people, possessions and experiences. 

I know my truth but now I protect myself from others.

What am I protecting myself from?  Sometimes I think that if you are not even vulnerable with you, then we should not be vulnerable together. 

The story of Patricia Davies struck me deeply.  Peter Davies, now Patricia Davies, was a World War II veteran who lived a life publicly as a male for 90 years and privately as a male for 60 years.  At the age of 90, she finally, after 87 years of secrecy, decided to publicly admit her transgender status. 

How long will it take you to admit who you really are? 

Do we live in a society that influences us to nearly die with our truths?  Do our religions facilitate this closed mindset?  Or is it our inherent selfishness that doesn't allow us to simply be happy for someone who has an unusual truth?  What made people so uncomfortable with the idea of transgender for so long?

What is happiness worth to you? What are the truths that define your core identity?

Read more about Patricia, my hero, at https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3204144/world-war-2-hero-transgender-ninety/. 

...my simple beauty routine...because creating a habit of taking care of yourself is SO important. While this might be a physical habit, it has mental benefits. I am sure you have heard the old adage - when you look good, you feel good. I could pretend I don't fall victim to low self confidence from my physical appearance at times, but that would just be an alternative fact. I am going to be vulnerable and admit that I have had self image issues over the years - some driven by my lack of love for myself which was exploited by people close to me and some driven by my desires to look a certain way. Over the years, I have taken steps to look the way I want to. Even still, there is pressure to cover up, to dress up, to undress more, to wear more makeup, to wear no makeup, to wear hair straight, wear hair curly, to wear shorter heels, flats, taller heels, etc. At the end of the day, we all just want to be accepted for who we are but an underlying vulnerability is present when we are not happy with who we are or when we succumb to the desires of others with regard to our appearance...and what about when we are threatened by the appearance of others or jealous of the appearance of others? If deep inside we are unhappy with who we are, then we alone must fix that and take the steps that result in self love. Taking ownership of our own happiness and being honest about our vulnerable areas is critical and overcoming our fears of changing and our fears of failure is the first step. Start with a simple routine...15 minutes of makeup, 15 minutes of exercise, 15 minutes of healthy eating, 15 minutes of cooking, 15 minutes of reading a good book, 15 minutes of playing a guitar, 15 minutes of self love. ​

How do we make sense of our hurt?  Most people try to reason and make sense of why they are hurt.  In the process, they create false stories about the intentions of others.   The truth is that we can only understand from our level of perception which is unique to us and inherently false as a result.  The basis of your understanding of your hurt can often be a falsehood.  Then you may spread that falsehood causing further damage - this approach does not assist you in the process of moving on.  The truth is that you do hurt.  Don't make the truth be the story that you create from your perspective to make sense of your hurt.  You cannot transfer the hurt to others by perpetuating the story.  Trying to hurt someone will not fix the hurt you have within either.  Learn to resolve hurt within yourself - be sustainable and recoverable.  Shift your focus from the why you are hurting to what makes you feel grateful.  Start with the smallest things...the easiest things...the sunshine, the smiles of others, the kindness of a stranger, etc.

Simple routines are key to making the best use of your time while at the same time developing yourself as a whole person.  Many people have excuses for why they do not take care of themselves when the truth is that they have created absurd routines for each self care action that give them ample reason for ignoring themselves.  There is no excuse. 

God did not make most of us special by requiring that we go through complicated routines to take care of ourselves.  We tend to want to establish ourselves as being different from everyone else because we have some unique excuse why we cannot take care of ourselves or some unique excuse for how we got where we are.

When we can let go of these things, then we can begin to clearly see how simple life can be.  We can begin minimizing cost (time and money) and maximizing benefit (whole person development).

When you eat healthy, you feel better.
When you look nice, you feel confident.
When you have faith, you feel hopeful.   

Health Tip #1:
Make healthy meals simple - breakfast prep should take 15 minutes or less most days.   Breakfast is the most important meal of the day which of course tends to happen at the busiest time of the day.  You're waking up - maybe you are not a morning person, you are rushing to get kids on the bus, and you are rushing to get to work on time.  To stay on track for a healthy lifestyle, you have to have something quick and easy.  Self-care often involves putting ourselves first - AND - putting ourselves first does not mean we are putting others last.  It is simpler than that.  We are choosing to start our day with a simple routine that is best for us like a healthy breakfast.  When I make sure I get a healthy breakfast in the morning, no one was put last, but I did take care of myself first thing in the day. 

I am 31 weeks pregnant and soon a new baby girl will be here.  I will be spending a lot of time breastfeeding so I want to have a few simple breakfast recipes that are healthy and easy for my fiance to prepare for the family.  He will be tired too so something simple is key!  Going in, we won't have an excuse for not eating a healthy breakfast. 

People tend to either have a financial excuse or 'lack of time' excuse for why they aren't eating healthy.  I smile whenever someone quotes one of these factors as the reason they cannot eat healthy because I know that neither constitutes a valid reason.

Today for breakfast I had a parfait. This took less than 5 minutes to make and since I've increased my caloric intake due to pregnancy, I made a double serving.

Chocolate Raspberry Yogurt Parfait
Layer granola, organic whole milk yogurt - plain or vanilla flavor, and organic frozen or fresh raspberries. 

Depending on how hungry you are, just increase or decrease the quantity of any ingredient. 

Beauty Tip #1:
Create beauty routines that are simple and require little time.  Anyone who knows me, knows I love looking nice and I try to look nice most of the time.  I have even started realizing the importance of looking nice at home when I do not leave the house.  I developed a beauty routine that takes between 10 and 30 minutes.  Where I could save more time is in choosing an outfit to wear...this takes me way too long! 

When I make sure I look nice in the morning, I teach my children the importance of looking nice and I am a good example for them.  Looking put together will help them as they grow up, as they seek jobs, and when they find themselves in a position where their confidence is waning.  It's a good habit to have.

People tend to either have a financial excuse or 'lack of time' excuse for why they do not look nice.  I smile whenever someone quotes one of these factors as the reason they cannot look put together because I know that neither constitutes a valid reason.

I straighten my hair sometimes. When I do, I receive a lot of compliments and people always ask how long it took me because they assume that this takes me a long time.  I have very long hair - almost flowing down my entire back now.  The truth is it only takes me a total of 30-45 minutes extra to straighten it.  Here's how I do it. 

1)   Shampoo and condition hair as part of normal shower routine.
2)  Comb as part of normal post shower routine. 
3)  Add pea sized drop of L'oreal Smooth Intense Straight Perfecting Balm.  
4) Tie hair in a bun and leave to dry for about 24 hours. (saves blow drying time and hair damage)
5)  Untie and straighten w/ Chi Flat Iron. 

Now straightening my hair actually reduces my hair preparation time and saves me money for the next week or two.  I don't wash my hair for at least a week, (saves water and time), I don't have to add many hair products to make it look nice (saves money), and I don't spend as much time making it look nice each morning (saves time). 

Another thing I consider prior to straightening my hair is the weather for the week.  If there's a lot of rain in the forecast, then I choose a more practical style for that week like a simple bun or natural curly hair.

Spiritual Tip #1:
Incorporate worship or prayer into your normal daily activities.  Gratitude is central to my spiritual practice.  It keeps me grounded, centered and humble.

People tend to have a lack of time' excuse for why they do not have a spiritual practice.  I smile whenever someone quotes this factor as the reason they do not have a spiritual routine because I know that it cannot and should not constitute a valid reason.

As I am typing this blog on Sunday morning, I am playing gospel music which has a spiritual message and serves to make my work a living worship.  As I was waking up this morning, I said my prayers of gratitude before I got out of bed. 

Spiritual acts don't necessarily have to involve going to church each week or reading a religious text for 15 minutes a day.

Just do what works for you - whatever makes you whole - with the time and money you have.  And if you've been making excuses this whole time, it's time to examine those excuses and determine if they are actually valid. 

Looking past things and people is a learned skill. See everything is not meant for your dissection, processing and analysis. Learn to let certain things pass by you without you paying attention or getting sucked in. Save your energy for things that matter, not distractions. If it's meant for your attention, it will approach you with kindness. It won't jolt your spirit and surround you like a tornado. Obviously there are outliers to this scenario but if someone or something is making you feel this way consistently, it's time to stand up, look past them/it and walk away. Do that bravely and without regret for you deserve it.

Lord, bring peace to the hearts of the worried. Show them a path, hold their hand, surround them, and love them when they doubt themselves or feel hopeless. It is strength we all desire in our moments of weakness. Aid us in our times of struggle.

Life is so tough sometimes. The unimaginable happens but we have to be resilient and relentless in our search for positivity and opportunity even when it feels like we have hit a setback. I believe in you and know that you can reach higher and achieve more than you can imagine or see. Just keep waking up each day, thanking God for that day and putting one foot in front of the other and one step at a time you will find yourself somewhere great.

I feel overwhelmed, overloaded, and maybe even exhausted mentally and physically but despite this fatigue which is enveloping me, I have a lot to be thankful for. Just taking a moment to think about that as I try to hold myself upright. In our struggles, we must pause for a moment to reflect and find something for which to be grateful for there is always something. Be still and it will come to you. Struggles are relative. We can always find someone struggling more or less than us. For each of us, we have to assess where we are right now, avoid comparative thinking and avoid becoming enslaved to our circumstances. We have to be resilient and determined...we have to be positive visionaries. I seek to encourage you.

In the movie the Accountant, Christian Wolff's father says to him, "Life is a series of choices, none of which are new. The oldest is choosing to be a victim. Or choosing not to."  We don't have to play the victim card for how we respond to life's stressors all the time. Once we realize that our response was learned, we can recognize the triggers and deliberately mitigate the impact of the event and control our response. It's intelligent, positive and productive management of self. My boss at work has a habit of always saying "it is going to be great" after discussing what might be an unenjoyable task and most of us laugh when he says it, but it completely changes how we approach a known stressful situation. We go in ready to endure, ready to accomplish, ready to learn...and we don't dwell in our misery. I am not a victim of life and I accept the challenges in front of me with joy and resilience because I know they will divinely position me where I am meant to be. 

The color of your skin or your religion can exclude you from so much. Diversity is a natural part of some people's circles but not most. Diversity of religion, race, gender, background, etc...maybe what we should have in common is nothing...in that environment we can learn everything. The discomfort, the growth...

In the unfamiliar environment, I urge you to drop your defenses and simply listen with an intent to understand, not necessarily agree or disagree.  Expose yourself to the experience and then allow yourself time to process what you have learned. 

The universe is so much bigger than me. I humble myself before that realization. The more inward I look, the less my situation matters and the shorter I dwell on thoughts of insignificance. I am part of something much bigger than myself or you. If I have ever been upset about something, it doesn't boil up inside of me or lie dormant...I have it let go. Today. Moving Forward. Winning introvert life.

Watching the show Extreme Weight Loss, Bob, a former football player and current police officer hadn't weighed 220 lbs since he was 14 but he was up for the challenge.  He lost 228 pounds in nine months and proved that the near impossible was indeed possible even when enduring a knee surgery during those nine months.  Mental and physical grit got him there.  As I rang in 2017, this testimony reminded me of all the people who have told me that I put too much on my plate, that my goals are too aggressive, and that my goals must be conservative.  I have been guilty of telling others these things too.  Fear drives us to doubt our abilities, set small goals, engage in comparative thinking, stumble on mental blocks and lose focus when truly transformational opportunities present themselves.  Weight gain is an adversity for many, financial debt is an adversity, being in an abusive or unfulfilling relationship is a adversity....we face so many adversities.  My wish for you...and for myself...in 2017 is that we will swallow your pride and tackle some areas of adversity in our lives with an unprecedented fervor.  The word fervor means an intense and passionate feeling...it's possessing passion, intensity, earnestness, enthusiasm, excitement, energy, zest, or FIRE in our approach to accomplishing the impossible.  If you want something bad enough, there are NO excuses.  And when our Chris Powell shows up to motivate us, let us not turn them away  Instead, let us hold ourselves accountable to them and thank them for their willingness to be there by our side as we tackle our adversities.  In 2017, I am determined to be a better writer, to share more, to be a better partner, friend, mentor, example, and mother.  I am committed to healthy eating and fitness.  I commit to loving myself more and to tackling the self destructive habits I engage in.  Join me in living in the present and making each day in 2017 a day where we believe in ourselves and one another a lot more.   

My health is both within my control and in control. I can maintain this through intentional acts. I can achieve fitness beyond any previous state. I will not limit myself. I will not make excuses. I will make better choices. I will prioritize myself for this is no one's responsibility but mine alone. I will not hide behind peer pressure, comfort, self doubt, laziness, being busy, getting older, and other unspoken fears and barriers.

What is best for me is already on its way to me. I move in confidence into my destiny through the peaks and valleys. Whenever life has shown me challenges, it has also presented opportunity. When life has shown me opportunity, it has shown me the needs of others. I claim and share my abundant blessings.

Ms. Nora has been busy moving around tonight...which has me thinking trying to get back into the gym. Just haven't had the energy to get back into it. This pregnancy I haven't had the morning sickness like most people think - but the extreme fatigue has been kicking my butt. I have never been so tired in my life and sometimes I wish for the energy but I know that my body needs the rest. I do the best that I can with what I have. Reminds me of when my ex told me I needed to get into better shape to be pregnant. While I am sure it is a good idea to be in good shape when you do conceive, I am not in horrible shape and I felt so depressed/defeated in that moment - body image is a major issue for most women I know. It was a low life moment for me for sure but it made me grateful for the man I have now who has never doubted the timing of our blessing. At my healthy weight, this isn't about whether or not I can bounce back into model shape so a man can look at me with lust and desire after childbirth. It is about trying to eat healthy and keep my mind in a positive state despite the mental and physical fatigue I must overcome on a daily basis. It's about the miracle of life and the opportunity to impact/shape a new life in a way that I hope will be a positive and net gain for the world.

Does your paved road lead you to places of fear, stress and worry or to happiness?  When we decide to practice gratitude in place of expectations, we can focus on the present instead of a place that does not exist.  Let go of suffering immediately by stepping back and recognizing what is going on.  Obsession with self causes suffering (frustration, guilt, fear, stress) because in this state when you think you will be less than due to something that occurs.  Life is too short to feel sorry for yourself, to be angry, to be  sad, to be guilty, to blame yourself or to blame others.  You can't make real change or progress in those states.  Being grateful  is a survival framework for the toughest of times.  Consistently find something to appreciate.  Trade expectations for appreciations.  Always come back to the moment of gratitude before you make important decisions so that you can be calm and collected. Navigate from places of ease.  Care less and love more.  Caring is fear based.

Do not be afraid to UPGRADE the decisions that set who you are and who you aren't. Spontaneously try experiences out of ordinary to create amazing and unexpected moments.  Then decide to let these moments drive meaning into your soul. 

Most people live lives in consistent and complete distraction...because it is easy...distraction from themselves because to think about who you are is hard and uncomfortable. They can't let go of people, possessions or experiences because then they'd feel alone and have to face themselves. If you keep doing what you have always done, you'll keep getting what you always got. Isolate yourself and discover your truth. For me, I enjoy the isolation because I like myself but, now, I struggle with connecting to people, possessions and experiences. Is this worse than not knowing my truth? What am I protecting my heart from? Perhaps I feel that if you are not even vulnerable with yourself, then you don't deserve to be vulnerable with me.

When we say everything is possible, that means that both evil and good are indeed possible. Some people view their evil acts as a path to good.  I bring this up in context of trying to explain the violence and the racism that has been highlighted recently but that has always existed throughout the world.  We struggle to explain it.  We also cannot explain atrocities such as the Holocaust and the Rwandan genocide. 

What we can do is focus on individuals.  We can focus on ourselves and rather than looking outward, we can look inward to ask a few simple questions.  Have I evolved? Have I learned? Why must we divide our species like this?  What is the cost to humanity of my thoughts and subsequent actions? 

Eliezer Wiesel says we must always think higher and feel deeper.  Where have your thoughts gone today - where do your thoughts go as you live?  What do you do?   The key is to simplify your thoughts and actions to small kind acts.  Don't allow complicating thoughts to confuse you.  You have a responsibility to simplistically act in manners that increase human survivability.   

Start by simply saying or acting like you care.  The moments I look back on the most (with regret) are the moments where I communicated to someone that I simply did not care.  And in that moment surely they thought, does someone care?  Does anyone care?  The thought that you don't matter can lead you to think that you are invisible and your memory is non-existent to others. 

With the recent violent events in the news, one might notice that death has become a business for news agencies.  Death is sensational and everyone wants to have an answer, but what questions do recent events present YOU with?  What do you ask yourself about yourself?  Do you listen to the experiences of both sides?  Do you watch the experiences of both sides?  What do you choose to become a witness to?  What do you claim as your answer?  Do you engage in open discussion about the blatant indifference to anyone?  Are you indifferent to others in your day to day experiences?  Are you indifferent to anyone - the drug user, the felon, the poor?

Human beings matter and we all bear witness to the experience of the human being.  We can all be a little less demanding and a little more caring.  Every moment is the beginning of something and we can choose in each moment to be a part of something good.  We can think higher and feel deeper.