The society we live in is largely unforgiven...it is a society that wants people to live in their past of wrongs forever...to continuously suffer until the day they die. But the truth is that most wrongs/mistakes are not even known or admitted. And none of us deserve to suffer for a lifetime as a result of our wrongs. We all deserve a chance at our redemption so that anyone who should make a mistake has hope of still creating a better version of themselves.
We never ask ourselves - what did that person experience that contributed to that mistake? That never matters...all that seems to matter is that they made the mistake. The story of Shaka Senghor highlights what is within the realm of the possible for the majority of people who have made a mistake.
I myself am unwilling to admit all the mistakes I have made. So, who am I to judge others whose mistakes are in the open?
Shaka describes solitary confinement as an experience that will literally crush the human spirit. Think about the ways you crush the human spirit. What drives this behavior? Is it laziness, selfishness, greed, fear, the need for control?
Should we be more willing as a society to give others a clean slate or a second chance? If you believe in forgiveness or you believe in God being the ultimate judge, then why do you support the practice of peoples' mistakes being penned into their lives for an eternity so that a mistake made in a period of seconds crushes their spirit for years, even decades over and over again? Does it have to get PERSONAL for us to care about changing this status quo? Or is it easier to just look for a way out to say that people who make mistakes don't deserve the same chances we are afforded?
Read about Shaka Senghor's life - read his testimony - open your eyes - challenge your perspective.
While watching Nightline, I watched a segment on the website about www.wherewhitepeoplemeet.com. It got me thinking of how I met my ex-fiance. It was on the dating website Plenty of Fish. On this site, you can filter matches based on religion, body type, race, age, sexual orientation and other factors. Many people turn to online dating to find love nowadays. It may not be your style, but it does work for many people. After four years of dating, I realize now that perhaps it was that initial filtering that made us incompatible - those things I had established filters with weren't actually important to me, but they remained emphasis items throughout that relationship. Even when the initial signs of incompatibility were present, I still went back for more - more control, negativity, depression, judgment, etc.
Without any connection to these men, I decided to initiate online contact in an effort to find love purely based on a filter and photos. Now I know that for me, establishing a connection and then pursuing love based on that connection is best.
With some mistakes made, some self compassion administered, a long transition and some lessons learned, I moved forward with my life. A break up doesn't have to set you back - it can launch you forward. I learned that from previous relationships.
Today, I am with someone who makes me very happy and I didn't use a filter to find him. I knew him for several years prior to dating him and had a connection outside of romanticism. He would have never been included in the filter I had established before...not one of the 100s of men that I searched through online to find "true love". After a year of dating, we have a high degree of compatibility for many reasons that cannot simply be detected by a filter. For that, I am joyful and grateful.
Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity which is the beginning of discovering and knowing the truth. Have an appetite for seeking and wondering.
My curiosity throughout my life has taught me so many lessons and brought me so much joy. Do not lose your inner kid spirit.
As you live each day, look for signs, paths, off ramps, shortcuts, scenic routes, and newly paved roads. You do not have to just stay on the straight and narrow path. Trust the timing of unlikely events. Do not be afraid to go off the normal highway; you never know what you might find. Do the work all along to prepare yourself for the good and bad that could happen and take acceptable risks.
Much of my inspiration to write and share with others can be traced back to my rural Mississippi roots. Hearing the story of Oseola McCarthy in the 9th grade was memorable. I hope it will inspire you as much as it inspired me to work hard. The article below is from The Philanthropy Hall of Fame.
Oseola McCarty was born into the world in 1908, and it was a raw start. She was conceived when her mother was raped on a wooded path in rural Mississippi as she returned from tending a sick relative. Oseola was raised in Hattiesburg by her grandmother and aunt, who cleaned houses, cooked, and took in laundry.
As a child, Oseola would come home from elementary school and iron clothes, stashing the money she earned in her doll buggy. The three women relied completely on each other, and when the aunt returned from a hospitalization unable to walk, Oseola dropped out of sixth grade to care for her, and take up her work as a washerwoman. She never returned to school.
“Work became the great good of her life,” explained one person who knew her. “She found beauty in its movement and pride in its provisions. She was happy to have it and gave herself over to it with abandon.”
McCarty herself put it this way: “I knew there were people who didn’t have to work as hard as I did, but it didn’t make me feel sad. I loved to work, and when you love to do anything, those things don’t bother you. . . . Sometimes I worked straight through two or three days. I had goals I was working toward. That motivated me and I was able to push hard. . . . Work is a blessing. As long as I am living I want to be working at something. Just because I am old doesn’t mean I can’t work.”
And hers was not a standard-issue job. McCarty scrubbed her laundry by hand on a rub board. She did try an automatic washer and dryer in the 1960s, but found that “the washing machine didn’t rinse enough, and the dryer turned the whites yellow.” After years of boiling clothes and then doing four fresh-water rinses, that wasn’t good enough to meet her high standards. The machine was almost immediately retired, and she went back to her Maid Rite scrub board, water drawn from a nearby fire hydrant, and 100 feet of open-air clothesline.
Asked to describe her typical day, McCarty answered:
“I would go outside and start a fire under my wash pot. Then I would soak, wash, and boil a bundle of clothes. Then I would rub ‘em, wrench ‘em, rub ‘em again, starch ‘em, and hang ‘em on the line. After I had all of the clean clothes on the line, I would start on the next batch. I’d wash all day, and in the evenin’ I’d iron until 11:00. I loved the work. The bright fire. Wrenching the wet, clean cloth. White shirts shinin’ on the line.”
This extraordinary work ethic, pursued straight through to her retirement at age 86, apparently produced results her customers appreciated. In 1996, Hattiesburg businessman Paul Laughlin wrote that “I know one person who still has several shirts that were last cleaned almost two years ago by Miss McCarty. He says that he does not intend to wear them; he just takes them out periodically to look at them and to enjoy the crisp fabric and its scent.” McCarty, concludes Laughlin, was a walking object lesson “that all work can be performed with dignity and infused with quality.”
“Hard work gives your life meaning,” stated McCarty. “Everyone needs to work hard at somethin’ to feel good about themselves. Every job can be done well and every day has its satisfactions. . . . If you want to feel proud of yourself, you’ve got to do things you can be proud of.”
Shortly after she retired, McCarty did something that made many Americans very proud of her. She had begun to save almost as soon as she started working at age eight. As the money pooled up in her doll buggy, the very young girl took action. “I went to the bank and deposited. Didn’t know how to do it. Went there myself. Didn’t tell mama and them I was goin’.”
“I commenced to save money. I never would take any of it out. I just put it in. . . . It’s not the ones that make the big money, but the ones who know how to save who get ahead. You got to leave it alone long enough for it to increase.”
Of course that requires self-control and modest appetites. “My secret was contentment. I was happy with what I had,” said McCarty.
These sturdy habits ran together to produce McCarty’s final secret. When she retired in 1995, her hands painfully swollen with arthritis, this washerwoman who had been paid in little piles of coins and dollar bills her entire life had $280,000 in the bank.
Even more startling: she decided to give most of it away—not as a bequest, but immediately.
Setting aside just enough to live on, McCarty donated $150,000 to the University of Southern Mississippi to fund scholarships for worthy but needy students seeking the education she never had. When they found out what she had done, over 600 men and women in Hattiesburg and beyond made donations that more than tripled her original endowment. Today, the university presents several full-tuition McCarty scholarships every year.
"I can’t do everything. But I can do something to help somebody. And what I can do I will do."
Like a lot of philanthropists, McCarty wanted the satisfactions of giving while living. And she succeeded. The first beneficiary of her gift, a Hattiesburg girl named Stephanie Bullock, was president of her senior class and had supportive parents, but also a twin brother, and not enough family income to send them both to college. With her McCarty Scholarship, Bullock enrolled at Southern Miss, and promptly adopted McCarty as a surrogate grandmother.
Like a lot of philanthropists, McCarty felt a powerful impulsion to act in her home region. When asked why she picked Southern Miss, she replied “because it’s here.” The campus (though she had never visited) was located just a couple blocks from her home.
Prior to making her gift, Oseola’s one long trip had been to Niagara Falls. Here is her recollection:
“Law, the sound of the water was like the sound of the world comin’ to an end. In the evening we spread blankets on the ground and ate picnic dinners. I met people from all over the world. On the return trip, we stopped in Chicago. I liked it, but was ready to get back home. I missed the place where I belonged—where I was needed and makin’ a contribution. No place compares to the piece of earth where you have put down your roots.”
Like a lot of faithful philanthropists, Oseola McCarty was forgiving. Reminded that the university she was giving her money to had been white-only until the 1960s, she answered with equanimity: “They used to not let colored people go out there. But now they do. And I think they should have it.”
Like a lot of philanthropists, Oseola McCarty had a strong and virtuous character and good habits. She lived frugally, walking almost everywhere, including more than a mile to get her groceries. When she stayed in a hotel for the first time after coming to public attention, she made the bed before checking out.
In addition to the dignity of work, McCarty’s satisfactions were the timeless ones: faith in God, family closeness, and love of locale. One friend described McCarty’s faith as “as simple as the Sermon on the Mount, and as difficult to practice.” She was baptized at age 13, dunked in a local pond while dressed all in white (a mixed blessing for someone who washed her clothes by hand).
“I start each day on my knees, saying the Lord’s Prayer. Then I get busy about my work,” McCarty told one interviewer. “You have to accept God the best way you know how and then He’ll show Himself to you. And the more you serve Him, the more able you are to serve Him.”
“Some people make a lot of noise about what’s wrong with the world, and they are usually blamin’ somebody else. I think people who don’t like the way things are need to look at themselves first. They need to get right with God and change their own ways. . . . If everybody did that, we’d be all right.”
Like a lot of philanthropists, Oseola McCarty knew that giving is its own pleasure. When a journalist from People magazine asked her why she didn’t spend the money she’d saved on herself, she answered with a smile that thanks to the pleasure that comes from making a gift, “I am spending it on myself.”
“I am proud that I worked hard and that my money will help young people who worked hard to deserve it. I’m proud that I am leaving something positive in this world. My only regret is that I didn’t have more to give.”
Like a lot of philanthropists, McCarty hoped to inspire others to similar acts. And she did. In addition to the local outpouring that more than tripled her endowment, cable TV mogul Ted Turner decided to donate a billion dollars to charity after hearing her story. He was quoted in the New York Times saying, “If that little woman can give away everything she has, then I can give a billion.”
And like a lot of philanthropists, Oseola McCarty knew she didn’t have to save the whole world. She cast her buckets down and fixed what was at hand. “I can’t do everything. But I can do something to help somebody. And what I can do I will do.”
Ms. Bhakti Mary
I am an optimistic, positive, generous and driven author who is passionate about self-improvement.
The essence of who you are does not lie in the past. What matters is what you are willing to do NOW. You are the presence.