How do we make sense of our hurt? Most people try to reason and make sense of why they are hurt. In the process, they create false stories about the intentions of others. The truth is that we can only understand from our level of perception which is unique to us and inherently false as a result. The basis of your understanding of your hurt can often be a falsehood. Then you may spread that falsehood causing further damage - this approach does not assist you in the process of moving on. The truth is that you do hurt. Don't make the truth be the story that you create from your perspective to make sense of your hurt. You cannot transfer the hurt to others by perpetuating the story. Trying to hurt someone will not fix the hurt you have within either. Learn to resolve hurt within yourself - be sustainable and recoverable. Shift your focus from the why you are hurting to what makes you feel grateful. Start with the smallest things...the easiest things...the sunshine, the smiles of others, the kindness of a stranger, etc.
Simple routines are key to making the best use of your time while at the same time developing yourself as a whole person. Many people have excuses for why they do not take care of themselves when the truth is that they have created absurd routines for each self care action that give them ample reason for ignoring themselves. There is no excuse.
God did not make most of us special by requiring that we go through complicated routines to take care of ourselves. We tend to want to establish ourselves as being different from everyone else because we have some unique excuse why we cannot take care of ourselves or some unique excuse for how we got where we are.
When we can let go of these things, then we can begin to clearly see how simple life can be. We can begin minimizing cost (time and money) and maximizing benefit (whole person development).
When you eat healthy, you feel better.
When you look nice, you feel confident.
When you have faith, you feel hopeful.
Health Tip #1:
Make healthy meals simple - breakfast prep should take 15 minutes or less most days. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day which of course tends to happen at the busiest time of the day. You're waking up - maybe you are not a morning person, you are rushing to get kids on the bus, and you are rushing to get to work on time. To stay on track for a healthy lifestyle, you have to have something quick and easy. Self-care often involves putting ourselves first - AND - putting ourselves first does not mean we are putting others last. It is simpler than that. We are choosing to start our day with a simple routine that is best for us like a healthy breakfast. When I make sure I get a healthy breakfast in the morning, no one was put last, but I did take care of myself first thing in the day.
I am 31 weeks pregnant and soon a new baby girl will be here. I will be spending a lot of time breastfeeding so I want to have a few simple breakfast recipes that are healthy and easy for my fiance to prepare for the family. He will be tired too so something simple is key! Going in, we won't have an excuse for not eating a healthy breakfast.
People tend to either have a financial excuse or 'lack of time' excuse for why they aren't eating healthy. I smile whenever someone quotes one of these factors as the reason they cannot eat healthy because I know that neither constitutes a valid reason.
Today for breakfast I had a parfait. This took less than 5 minutes to make and since I've increased my caloric intake due to pregnancy, I made a double serving.
Chocolate Raspberry Yogurt Parfait
Layer granola, organic whole milk yogurt - plain or vanilla flavor, and organic frozen or fresh raspberries.
Depending on how hungry you are, just increase or decrease the quantity of any ingredient.
Beauty Tip #1:
Create beauty routines that are simple and require little time. Anyone who knows me, knows I love looking nice and I try to look nice most of the time. I have even started realizing the importance of looking nice at home when I do not leave the house. I developed a beauty routine that takes between 10 and 30 minutes. Where I could save more time is in choosing an outfit to wear...this takes me way too long!
When I make sure I look nice in the morning, I teach my children the importance of looking nice and I am a good example for them. Looking put together will help them as they grow up, as they seek jobs, and when they find themselves in a position where their confidence is waning. It's a good habit to have.
People tend to either have a financial excuse or 'lack of time' excuse for why they do not look nice. I smile whenever someone quotes one of these factors as the reason they cannot look put together because I know that neither constitutes a valid reason.
I straighten my hair sometimes. When I do, I receive a lot of compliments and people always ask how long it took me because they assume that this takes me a long time. I have very long hair - almost flowing down my entire back now. The truth is it only takes me a total of 30-45 minutes extra to straighten it. Here's how I do it.
1) Shampoo and condition hair as part of normal shower routine.
2) Comb as part of normal post shower routine.
3) Add pea sized drop of L'oreal Smooth Intense Straight Perfecting Balm.
4) Tie hair in a bun and leave to dry for about 24 hours. (saves blow drying time and hair damage)
5) Untie and straighten w/ Chi Flat Iron.
Now straightening my hair actually reduces my hair preparation time and saves me money for the next week or two. I don't wash my hair for at least a week, (saves water and time), I don't have to add many hair products to make it look nice (saves money), and I don't spend as much time making it look nice each morning (saves time).
Another thing I consider prior to straightening my hair is the weather for the week. If there's a lot of rain in the forecast, then I choose a more practical style for that week like a simple bun or natural curly hair.
Spiritual Tip #1:
Incorporate worship or prayer into your normal daily activities. Gratitude is central to my spiritual practice. It keeps me grounded, centered and humble.
People tend to have a lack of time' excuse for why they do not have a spiritual practice. I smile whenever someone quotes this factor as the reason they do not have a spiritual routine because I know that it cannot and should not constitute a valid reason.
As I am typing this blog on Sunday morning, I am playing gospel music which has a spiritual message and serves to make my work a living worship. As I was waking up this morning, I said my prayers of gratitude before I got out of bed.
Spiritual acts don't necessarily have to involve going to church each week or reading a religious text for 15 minutes a day.
Just do what works for you - whatever makes you whole - with the time and money you have. And if you've been making excuses this whole time, it's time to examine those excuses and determine if they are actually valid.
Looking past things and people is a learned skill. See everything is not meant for your dissection, processing and analysis. Learn to let certain things pass by you without you paying attention or getting sucked in. Save your energy for things that matter, not distractions. If it's meant for your attention, it will approach you with kindness. It won't jolt your spirit and surround you like a tornado. Obviously there are outliers to this scenario but if someone or something is making you feel this way consistently, it's time to stand up, look past them/it and walk away. Do that bravely and without regret for you deserve it.
Lord, bring peace to the hearts of the worried. Show them a path, hold their hand, surround them, and love them when they doubt themselves or feel hopeless. It is strength we all desire in our moments of weakness. Aid us in our times of struggle.
Life is so tough sometimes. The unimaginable happens but we have to be resilient and relentless in our search for positivity and opportunity even when it feels like we have hit a setback. I believe in you and know that you can reach higher and achieve more than you can imagine or see. Just keep waking up each day, thanking God for that day and putting one foot in front of the other and one step at a time you will find yourself somewhere great.
I feel overwhelmed, overloaded, and maybe even exhausted mentally and physically but despite this fatigue which is enveloping me, I have a lot to be thankful for. Just taking a moment to think about that as I try to hold myself upright. In our struggles, we must pause for a moment to reflect and find something for which to be grateful for there is always something. Be still and it will come to you. Struggles are relative. We can always find someone struggling more or less than us. For each of us, we have to assess where we are right now, avoid comparative thinking and avoid becoming enslaved to our circumstances. We have to be resilient and determined...we have to be positive visionaries. I seek to encourage you.
In the movie the Accountant, Christian Wolff's father says to him, "Life is a series of choices, none of which are new. The oldest is choosing to be a victim. Or choosing not to." We don't have to play the victim card for how we respond to life's stressors all the time. Once we realize that our response was learned, we can recognize the triggers and deliberately mitigate the impact of the event and control our response. It's intelligent, positive and productive management of self. My boss at work has a habit of always saying "it is going to be great" after discussing what might be an unenjoyable task and most of us laugh when he says it, but it completely changes how we approach a known stressful situation. We go in ready to endure, ready to accomplish, ready to learn...and we don't dwell in our misery. I am not a victim of life and I accept the challenges in front of me with joy and resilience because I know they will divinely position me where I am meant to be.
Ms. Bhakti Mary
I am an optimistic, positive, generous and driven author who is passionate about self-improvement.
The essence of who you are does not lie in the past. What matters is what you are willing to do NOW. You are the presence.